11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
