I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
