We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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