so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
