dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
