Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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