i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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