For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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