just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
