please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
