Duck Duck Cougar?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize