you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
