I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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