dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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