he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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