honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
