also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
