how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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