my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize