just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His hands were made for my vagina.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
