She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
