he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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