all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
