yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
