It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
