I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
