I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
