Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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