I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
