I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
