Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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