At least make sure they are 18
Why
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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