soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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