Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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