You can't special order awesome
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize