I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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