who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
FUCK WHALES
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize