the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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