I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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