I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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