Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
