So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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