Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
