he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk is not a location!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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