i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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