i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
