Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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