i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize