apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
