We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
