please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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