Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I party with great urgency now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
