I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
