If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
