Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
