I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
