I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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