What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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