He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
