"it" just moved
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
