just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize