I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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