The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got inside last night via doggy door
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
