??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's never too late to be topless.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
