this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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