Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
