Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
