Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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