Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
