Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize