So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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