on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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