All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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