I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
