Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
