you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
