I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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