I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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