You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
