he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
