69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
