Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
