Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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