So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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