she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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