she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
