Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
