so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
