no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
