I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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