That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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