I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
