Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
