I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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