The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
