Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize