Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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