If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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