Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
