At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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