I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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