This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
bring money and cleavage
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
