wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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